Christmas creativity

I am not by any means crafty or artsy. Some of my family and friends may disagree with my statement however I don't really feel like I have a crafty talent. However this is beside the point. I d come from a family of artsy and craft people. My grandparents are both my inspiration to be crafty. My grandpa is one of the best artist I know by far. As a matter of fact I have one of his painting hanging in my living room it's the third biggest pieces and one of my two favorites. 

My brother drew a duck one year and when he died it was the one piece I wanted the most. I watched him draw it and it meant the world to me to get it. It's framed and my other favorite piece.

 My grandmother is crafty in everything I could ever thing of from painting on vases to make them look like they cost a million buck to taking pottery and painting it to make up lawn turtles. She has the best ideas and is truly talented.

Now to the point. She moved to my mother house earlier this year and she gave me some of her arts and craft stuff. I look through a box as I was getting my christmas decorations out and saw a bunch of greenery and decided to take it inside. I'm so happy I did. There wasn't as much as I hoped for and I didn't have the extra money to get more. So I made due with what I had. So I had it in a small vase until further notice. Today I finished up my christmas decorating and normally I put a small tree in my children's room but decided not to this year we are having trouble with the breaker flipping so I took it and put it by our tv. My husband and I have been talking and wanted to restrict our and our children's tv time. We feel that there not a lot of good shows on tv and our daughter has a hard time when the tv isn't on from simply focusing to really being cranky because She  is addicted to the tv. So we decided to only turn on the tv on the weekends as a special treat. Today I got rid of the tv in the living room so I wouldn't just turn it on and I would spend more time with them. I am addicted to the tv also. I've gotten a lot better it that's another story.

I decorated our piano where our old tv used to sit with that little tree some Christmas lights my old wedding center pieces( no they are not Christmassy at all they are blue and orange) a candle holder my mom gave me for my first christmas out of the house and the cutest snowman that my aunt gave me.  I had to find something to put the little tree it has no stand so the little vase I had all the greenery in worked well but what was I gonna do with the greenery? 

I found another vase and it would need some serious tinkering. I took the greenery and put it in the vase then on top of that I found some flowers and other little things in the box my grandma gave me. After that I put a bow on the outside to conceal the gap. Then later I came back I found this old jingle bell snowflake my kids took apart last year and whola!!!!!! I took the jingle bells off the wore and stuffed them in the vase. Perfection that looks like my grandma did it! 

My testimony

I've always known religion. I actually can't recall a time where I didn't go to church. Even in my lowest time my family still went to church. We were baptist. I was allowed whatever bible I wanted, wore just about whatever I wanted, and never sincerely prayed until I was 8. On January 1, 1999 was the first time I realized I was going to hell. That was the first night I really prayed. I was saved that night however I never fully understood what I did. I believed for as long as I can remember that Jesus was Gods son and He was sent to die for my sins. I remember thinking that night even though I knew that I never asked God to save me so I did. I know without a shadow of a doubt I was saved that night.
Fast-forward. When I was in junior high I hung with the wrong crowd. I hung out with the rebels. The kids you just knew to stay away from. I didn't apparently. Actually I did they just excepted me I was over weight and they didn't care they didn't make fun of me and there was other girl that were just like me. I hung out with guys I had no business being around and most of all did things I'm not proud of. I continued in this life and still went to church every Sunday hearing the same old thing over and over and didn't care. I would tell myself "I'm saved it doesn't matter what I do God will forgive me" I really felt that way too. I'm ashamed of how I acted and was back then and if I could I would gladly go back and change it.
At 15 my oldest brother H.A. had joined the national guard (shout out to my big brother on Veterans Day) and my other older Aaron was a drug addict that my parents had just kicked out. I never saw my brother high or strung out. He cared enough to make sure of that. We hadn't always had the best relationship but we were working on it. For example one day my mom was searching threw his room. I ask what she was looking for she said nothing that she was just cleaning his room. Hours later I went back to the room and asked again what she was looking for. She said that she believed Aaron was hiding something and she was looking for it. I asked her if she has seen a wooden box that was locked and she said yes and pointed to it. I said if Aaron is hiding anything it would be in here. She asked if I knew where the key was I told her no but I'll be right back. I went and got a screw driver and opened it. At the time I had no idea but what I found for my mom was weed. I never meant to get my brother in trouble but he knew who told her where it was. Period cased closed in his eyes. However he committed suicide on December 25, 2005. Yes Christmas Day he was 19. Yes I blame the drugs. I was and still will never be the same.
The next few months were a blare I was a freshman in high school now. The teacher took pity and passed me that year. In April of 2006 I met a guy threw a friend and this was the worst mistake in my whole life. He was the first real guy I dated. After a few month I knew I never wanted to be with him. My parents were going throw a hard time and so I was kinda on the down low. I went to see my boyfriend on the weekends and hung out with him and his mom. Once again I did things I'm not proud of. Once I realized I didn't like this guy he was bad for me and honestly I knew I shouldn't even be dating I tried breaking it off. He was manipulative and controlling. When I would try to break up with him he would simply say "I can't live without you if you leave me ill commit suicide" I stayed every time. I was to afraid to leave. And I never told my parents I wasn't close to them. I was a normal teen lock myself in my room and stay up til 2:00. I wasn't trouble. When I started driving my grades never reached below a C. If they did I couldn't drive and I would have to ride the bus.
In December 2006 I remember my Christmas prayer. First of all I hadn't prayed in over a year. When my brother died I blamed God. I said over and over that God could have saved my brother and didn't. For what ever reason that night I remember praying I was tired of that relationship. I wanted out but I didn't want his death on me. So I prayed for a way out. I prayed God would send me someone an angel something to please get him away from me. He move away at the beginning of the next year but that wasn't good enough. So in March 2007 another friend introduced me to her boyfriends friend just to be friends with. I was like whatever guys hate me I'm not that cool or pretty so what the heck. That teenage boy Changed may life. God answered my prayer. He told me how I should really be treated and gave me the strength to leave my boyfriend and yes I started dating him.
Fast forward again that boy is now my beloved Husband and still the best thing that has happened to me. I wouldn't trade a day with him for a life time rolling in riches. We always had a rough path getting here but I know now God designed that man for me. We have now faithfully been going to independent fundamental baptist church for a almost two years. I was southern "liberal" baptist. I have grown so much in the last 3 years I can't even explain. I went from fighting my husband tooth and nail to being happily under his authority and let me just say its a wonderful blessing that there are no words for. I am a skirt wear king James believing baptist and I'm one month away from finishing my bible for the first time. People do change and God will guide anyone who asked. No I never heard a voice from God and to be honest I never felt like God has hit me with a sign. The night I changed my life on July 2013 and gave my life back to The Lord I just knew I was failing I was miserable and I wanted to change. I wanted to be a happy family and I wanted simply for God to look at me and say I'm proud to call you my child. And I hope one day he will. However until then I going to keep reading my bible find out more about God and Follow his commands no matter how my flesh feels about it. I hated the idea of skirts but today you wouldn't catch me in pants even if it means I can't do something ( which I haven't found anything I can't do in a skirt I could in pants). Needless to say this is my life's testimony. This is my testimony and it grows everyday. 

Migraines and soda

For most of my life I have drank coke, sprite and dr pepper. I don't really have a favorite. In the last month in an attempt to eat better not just to loose weight but to also be better. I'm tired of being tired and want to be able to do things with my children. I also want more children and want live to be 80. Anyways back in track.

I've in the past month or two started by only drinking sweeT tea, water milk, or juice. However the last two days I had a sprite just because they were at my moms house and I guess it's habit at her house. The first night it was about an hour later we went out to eat and it started as a slow headache that vastly turned into a horrible sticking migraine. I can go migraines for no reason or so it seemed. I never guessed it was the sprite. The only way I got rid of it was peppermint candy cane and sleep. The candy cane was more for my nausea so I could go to sleep.  Yesterday I had another one and right before my headache turned into a migraine I took some medicine. I don't like taking medicine unless necessary and I prefer natural over pharmaceutical. However I'm not an expert on natural medicines I'm slowly transitioning into it. I realized it was the soda. 

So in short I will no longer be drinking any kinda of soda. I have heard from a wonderful preacher I love to listen to (Pastor Steven Anderson at faithful word baptist church) to try making your own soda out of carbonated water and juice so we may try that around here but for now water, natural teas with honey, milk, and juice will be a staple in this house. 

I don't know if this has happened to others or if it accurate or proven but it something that has helped m to change my mine on what I drink for the better!!! I hope it can help you too. 

Having to eat green beans

As I was preparing lunch I was also preparing for a big fight. I had fixed green beans as our veggie at lunch. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was going to be a huge fight to make RaeLynn try these green bean. We also had chicken and pears with lunch I knew once she tried the pears she would like them and she gotten where if I tell her it's chicken she will eat it (I don't have to tell her it like chicken nuggets anymore). We sit down and pray. 

I start holding my breath I know it's coming... She starts whining "green beans are not my favorite" "my tummy don't like them" my husband says " RaeLynn try them that is all we ask. But if you won't to whine you can go to bed til your ready to eat." She's immediately says " no I don't want to go to bed" "then try them" I put a pear in her fork and put it in her mouth."yum" as she whiles her tears away. Now it's time for the green beans. She chews up her pear and opens her mouth slowly dreading the bite of green beans. She starts chewing then acts like she gonna throw up (both me and my husband tell her no in unison) she stops and chews it up and says " that was good" self say "WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY" I told self " oh yes she did" and I watch my almost four year old eat two more bits of green beans by herself!!! 

I'm was so proud of her she then portioned out her meal where she ate a little chicken a some pears and then says I'm full. I was so impressed. Now me I don't like green beans much less know how to fix good green beans. I ate mine my way ( on my plate I eat from my least favorite to my favorite). I was so proud of my family we are slowly starting to eat better and I couldn't be happier. 

My conclusion stick to eating better. Make the family at least try it. As the parent set the example eat all or as much of your that you can and every time say "yum that is so good". It will start to work and eventually you will see your child eat more nd more of tht food you use to have to fight to make them eat. 

Just as a side note. One rule we have now established is try it. Rule two is if you want more of anything you have to eat everything on the first plate. And the last rule we set up is if they won't eat any of it it gets saved for later and when everyone lose gets one thing else you still have to eat what was left. ( this works relly well for supper and breakfast) my kids love eggs and can't stand to not eat eggs with everyone else. 

Eggs!!

I'm excited to say that we have eggs! Our chickens that we got back in march are now starting to lay eggs! We have only gotten to small eggs but this is just the beginning. My daughter is ecstatic about our chickens laying eggs. She wants to go out there and check every five minutes. I tried explaining the they will not lay but one egg a day and they will not lay them that fast but she's only three so she doesn't understand.
She loves helping feed the chickens and she wants to pet them and do whatever for them she can which is so darn cute! We have we have 8 hens,1 bantam rooster, and a female duck. We wanted enough chickens to try to get 5-7 eggs a day. However I didn't want to overwhelm myself with chickens so we just thought we get 6. We got 6 barred rock hens they are beautiful let me just say. When we where at the store my daughter decided she needed a duck well state law says we had to buy 2 so I did. I gave one to my cousin for her sons birthday. Them my nephew came over and he wanted some chickens to call his own. So we when to another store and got 6 more. However out of all the chicken we got we now only have 10. Which is perfect for me because I didn't want too many to begin with. The other kind we have are like Rhode Island Red even if that's not exactly what they are. I got 2 bantam Americaunas which is what my rooster is. One bantam died and we had another bantam that has feathers on its legs which was as cute as could be. However it died after I put it outside not really sure what happened.
Our chicken journey is fun and do not regret it at all. I do know now I needed to build our cage a little different than I did. We have a detachable run fom the coop and the coop is o heavy it takes a tractor to move it. However most of the chicken coop and run were free and scraps we had around our yard. So that is the plus. If I had to do it again I would have a all in one chicken run and coop with wheels that I could just roll anywhere in the yard.
I wanted to have free range chickens. We don't live in town bout we aren't so far in the country that we don't have neighbors. My parents have about 3 acres and we live on the back side of the 3 acres. We have dogs and there are stray dogs and cats and nt to mention the occasional raccoon possom or other critters. We also have hawks as I found out by almost loosing a chicken to one. So I don't let them be free range. I do like to move the run around so they can have grass and bugs. I truly believe natural is best and if I want to eat the eggs or chickens I don't want them chemically altered if you know what I mean.
No I do not view my chickens as pets even though I thought I would. I'm a very tender hearted animal loving person. However I do plan on killing my chiefs at some point. My duck I do view as a pet. Not sure why yet. No none of my chickens have names I do talk to them nd pet them. They are not what I would consider tame pets. They don't attach my children but they will run away from them. I can not just walk in there and pick them up but if I try hard enough I can grab one hold its feet together and pet it. She ill not try to bite me but it sure does make for a pissed off rooster. The duck is extremely hard to catch but when you do catch her. She will try everything but bite to get away. Eventually she will call down enough to let you pet her but its a long fight. My rooster if he feels just slightly threaten will try to show you who is boss so I try to stay away. My main hen IS also very protective but she is the one that gets petted the most so she's not an attacher.
All in all I love having chickens and as long as I can probably always will. I prefer ducks to chickens still but my husband refuses to eat duck egg. (We will see what he thinks when I scramble up a duck egg or two for him).
This is always been a dream of mine to have a farm and go get your own eggs, (my husband) kills he chickens, have a cow(no I don't have one yet), and horses, and maybe a pig, and a lamb. I love the old way of living I like living simple. I know that I have some of the latest gadgets (iPhone,iPad,laptop) however I also believe I can and will eventually live a simple life!

Spaghetti Paleo / how we get our daughter to eat her food

Yesterday I drove 3 1/2 hours to get my husband. Oh how I missed him. It's been 5 weeks since I saw him. I miss having his guidance and leadership in our home. It's nice to have my best friend back to talk to and not just my 3 year old and one year old. 

Tonight I cooked a paleo dinner which my husband loved. I have kinda slacked off in the last week with my diet but I have every intention to continue it. I cook what I would call paleo spaghetti the only thing missing you guessed it the noodles. I even drank water with my food. I was really surprised at how well my extremely picky daughter ate all her supper. She hate hamburger meat she doesn't eat hamburgers or anything resembling hamburger meat. She loves to help me cook she just doesn't eat what she helps cook. But tonight she did she didn't like the tomatoes that were in the sauce part of the spaghetti but she the her corn and at least she did try a tomato. I even got my husband to eat one tomato. It was nice knowing that after I spent sometime in the kitchen that everyone sat down at the table together and ate. 

You may be wondering how we get our daughter to eat. First of all, all the credit goes to my husband because when he's not around I do have to fight with her. However what he does is if she starts whining or complaining or just plain ole throwing a fit he will take her to her bed and lay her down and tell her when she is ready to eat she may come to the table and eat. She has had to go to early bed because she refused to eat. However that has only happened once. We have tried many rules for instance having to eat their food no matter( example if RaeLynn didn't eat her supper she had to eat it for breakfast while everyone else eats something else) this seem to work a little but it still to her a long time to finish her breakfast. So now I'm trying an your have to try it approach. I will not fix them anything else for supper and if they choose not to eat it they will go to bed hungry. They are allowed to have water. 

Recently I've had to figure out how to try to get RaeLynn to eat without a huge fight however I have failed miserable that is one of the big reason I'm excited he's back. I'm not an expert I will say I'm doing my best to be consistent. I know that consistent is the key to everything when it comes to a child. I want her to try it at the very least and I would like her to eat better. 

The reason behind all of this is because I myself am over weight and have been most to all of my life. I can remember being in gymnastics and I can remember being a cheerleader however gymnastic was by far my favorite. I'm not athletic. I have horrible rhythm and really feel sorry for my friend that was great at basketball and I was the only other child around to play with and I couldn't play basketball or even horse to SAFE MY LIFE. Many time I came home with a black eye from trying to play softball. It not that I'm not a team player it's just I have no player in me. I want my children to be healthy I was the picky eater my daughter had become. As I've gotten older I have opened my doors to eat better even if it means eating things I don't care for. I need to be healthier if I was to life to be old. 

My spaghetti recipe is 

I got a pound of hamburger meat and made meat balls about 6. I put them in a skillet and browned the outside on each side. In a (what I call a deep pan skillet) I put 1 stalk of chopped celery, minced garlic, about two stalks green onion, about a teaspoon oregano and a dash of parsley, salt and pepper. I had a can of tomato sauce and another can of garlic and onion tomatoes. I added all that together and warmed it up as my meat was browning. Them I put the meat balls in the sauce covered and let simmer for 15 min. Then I uncovered I cut all the meat ball in half to see how much longer I should probably cook them and covered and cooked another 5-10 minutes until done. (I added some shredded cheddar cheese on too and let it melt). And then served to a very hungry bunch:) 

Paleo update

Today is day five of my paleo diet. Other than one night I have cooked supper for my parents and grandma. the first night I hated what I cooked but the other 2 nights were ok. I made a chicken blueberry balsamic twist its wasn't the best in the world but it was so much better than the chicken patty stuffed mushrooms.

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Last night I made a roast which I'm not a huge fan of roast in the first place but it was eatable.

Tonight we are having whole chicken cooked in the crock pot. It smells so good my mouth is just watering til I almost drowned.

So in time paleo does get better. I'm an unusually picky eater so this will take time for me to get use to eating veggies and anything that's not pizza. on the best side tonight is Thursday and I am not going to my favorite pizza joint which is killing me on the inside. That's is why I am over weight and why I'm so unhealthy.
Next week my husband comes home and I'm ecstatic but I've really got to have this paleo thing down before he gets back. He's not hard to cook for or anything its just he's like me overweight for the same reason I am we love bad food.
As I've done research about paleo I notice one thing that stands out more than anything. They say how much better they feel. I want to feel better I cant remember a time when I'm not just exhausted or tired. I've always battled depression and bipolar behavior. I want to have energy to chase my kids and the physical ability to do that. I want to wake up feeling energized and refreshed.
This for me isn't a diet its a life change. I want to eat mostly fruits veggies and meat and on occasions eat out or have cookies or cake. I'm human like anyone else. I just want to be a healthier human!

paleo supper #1

Last night I fixed chicken patties stuffed portabella mushrooms. My husband is off working right now so I fixed it for my parents and grandma. I wont lie I hated. It was so nasty however my whole family loved it. I think I had way too much seasoning. My dad tried my piece of chicken and said mine tasted different than his. so I don't know if I got the flawed stuffed mushroom or what but it wasn't good. I couldn't even make myself finish it. I still really want to do this paleo thing. I want to live healthy. I also know that not everything that I cook I will like. There are things my mother cooks I don't like. Its a process.
Tonight however I am making a chicken with blueberry balsamic twist. I'm excited to see how this turns out. I love cooking always have however I don't always like eating what I cook. I love fixing supper its my favorite meal of the day. I have never been a big breakfast eater. My husband on the other hand is. He wants a full meal for breakfast and I am the kinda person that could go to lunch only having a cup of coffee.
I still haven't found an exercise routine that I like. my children wake up as soon as I do. It doesn't matter if its 6:00am or 9:30 am when they hear me up no matter how quiet I think I am they are up! so I need something I can include my three year old in and something that doesn't take forever but gets the job done. One hurtle at a time. Food is my first step exercise is the next.
I have noticed that I am having pizza withdraws. I love this pizza joint we have here called Johnny's pizza its by far my favorite food ever I could eat it all the time. I had it on Thursday doing my normal for mid week service at church but now its killing me.

The Start of the Paleo Diet

Over the last six months I have realized I need to do something about me being overweight and unhealthy. Like most parents I want my children to be healthier than I am and I never want them to be over weight. So I have searched for a new lifestyle change that I could include them in. I didn't want to just diet because then I would just be dieting all my life and lets face it I love food its how I became over weight. I wont lie I still will go out to eat some and I'm not going to be perfect and that's ok. I love johnnys pizza and I love chile verde those things will never change however I will need to give them up for a while.
I have decided to go paleo because for one I am a hunter. I love deer meat call me what you want but that is the way God intended things (Genesis 9:3). I love the idea of natural things. So eating meat, fruits, vegetables, with spices makes total since to me. I do believe that God intended for us to eat bread and that we should have milk but I also believe that todays food industry has severely messed that up. so later on after I start my diet I will add back some homemade bread and consider my dairy very carefully.
I have sat down for the last two days and gone through a lot of my ebooks that I've gotten and wrote out some of the recipes I think my family would enjoy. I have ordered a book called "Everyday Paleo" by Sarah Fragoso. It also has some exercise routines in to also which makes me happy. I'm excited to try this new way of life. I'm taking my daughter and son along with my nephew and mother to the store to go buy all the things we need for the next week of paleo. This should be interesting.
I have always been over weight and I've always been a picky eater and my see my daughter has turned into a picky eater and I'm trying to avoid that with my son. he at least tries everything. Now he wont eat eggs to save his life, and that how I found out I was pregnant again. I looked at the eggs my husband had wonderfully cooked for me and started gagging. I knew!
I'm excited to share my journey to my new life!!!

Old fashion shampoo

I have always had the most horrible hair. I couldn't even finish a bottle of shampoo before my hair would start to reject it. By reject I mean breaking, frizzy, damaged, and. greasy looking. I mean the whole 9 yards. I tried everything from cheap shampoo to expensive. I tried anything that was for my "symptoms" I literally tried it all.
One day surfing the Internet I don't remember what I was looking for I came across this "no poo" method of washing hair.  The first one a came across was just washing your hair with hot water then washing it with cold and once you got out of the shower your brush it with a bore bristle brush. I tried that for a while. About three weeks and after that I couldn't take the nastiness in my hair. It warned that at first your hair will be greasy from getting rid of all the old chemicals and damage your shampooing had done to your hair. But I could just about put a Mohawk with no gel. It was getting bad. So I gave up and when back to the drawing board. (And jumped in the shower and use my husband shampoo)
I soon found another homemade shampoo and conditioner. The best part was I could find everything I needed in my kitchen cabinet. The shampoo was baking soda and the conditioner apple cider vinegar. What? Oh yeah!!! So I read more and more. I got a a little down when it once again told me that I would have to give my hair some time to adjust and it may be greasy. I almost gave up right then and there. Well thank God I didn't. For about four months I would take a little baking soda put it in my hand add a little water and massage that into my scalp and wash it out. Then I had a spray bottle that I took and sprayed the vinegar into the bottom of my hair all over.  Then I continue with my regular routine of bathing and shaving and wash the vinegar out right before I got out of the shower. Sometimes I blow dry my hair sometime I wouldn't just all depends.
I became very sad when I saw my hair starting to go back to its old habits. I loved this routine. My hair was soft and shinny and for the first 3 months healthy looking and just beautiful. I was only having to wash my hair every four days which is also a huge plus. About month four is when it started acting bad again. Which it was also starting to become summer. It was pretty and soft for about 2 days and after that it was frizzy and untamable. I kept going anyway. I started cutting my own hair so I did cut it once in the fourth month but we were about to be going to Nashville to see my grandpa and I didn't want my hair to look so bad. The other thing was I knew there water was messed up and I wouldn't have a lot of time in the shower. So I gave up my homemade shampoo when and bought some that I liked and my hair took well to for the longest time.
Now once I'm back I was looking to go on a diet and I chose the paleo diet it's the only one that I believe would fit my lifestyle the best. However when I was on youtube I found a channel that the girl had gone paleo and I like her video so I looked at some other videos she had. Low and behold she had a no shampoo video. Come to find out I was doing it all wrong. She showed me that your suppose to add a cup of water for a table spoon of baking soda and and cup of water for the table spoon of vinegar. I'm so happy. I started my no shampoo journey again hoping for better results. I really love the way my hair acts when I use the homemade shampoo and conditioner. The only thing is last night after I washed my hair with the vinegary had brewed up some peppermint tea and I washed my hair in that. And once again my hair is soft and shiny and I love my hair again!
Here's a tip. If your wondering if your hair will smell like vinegar the answer is no. It shouldn't if you use too much vinegar it will however I've never had that problem. However your bath room may smell like vinegar for an hour. For me it's well worth it. That's my way of keeping my husband out of the bathroom while I finish getting ready for bed ;) I also try not to blow dry my hair because of the heat damage it can do to your hair but sometimes I still have too. I want to go get some dr bronners for my children I'm not quite sure my daughter or son would appreciate the process and they take bath now showers so I'm not how that would affect their bath or how bad it would hurt to get in their eyes.

Why did I create a blog

Why did I create a blog? I ask myself that quite often. I'm still not quite sure why I decided to create a blog. For the most part I think I want to try to keep up with my new progress.
 I always knew I was different. My mother raised me to be independent and to rely on no man. And yes I did have a great daddy. My mother had been married 2 times before meeting my dad. I believe that she was terribly hurt and that once he left she was just going to do everything herself. Years later she met my father and yes they got married and had me! However I think my mom wanted all of us to be independent and to never rely on anyone. I understand why she raised us the way she did but something always felt weird or off or I was just different.
I knew from a very young age my goal in life was to marry and bear children and guide the house. I've always wanted to do that. I went to church but not the kind that really taught that that was the job of the wife. My mom work on and off when I was a child. When I was about 8 I guess not really sure she started to work for this guy Moose and he allowed her to bring me to work after I got out of school. Which was awesome if you ask me. My dad is a mechanic and my dad had had a son before he met my mom. My brother Aaron always was mechanically inclined. I was very envious. I always wanted to spend more time with me dad I always want and still find myself wanting his approval. My brother would go with my dad and work on transmissions(my dads specialty) and I would want to go but as a child I don't remember going much. I think it was normally dark when dad came home to work on side jobs and mom would have given us our baths and getting ready for bed.
When I was a teenager I wanted nothing more than to be a mechanic like my dad. I was a wild child and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. It wasn't until I was sixteen in a relationship with this emotionally abusive boyfriend that I realized what I wanted in life. I was very fragile in that time in my life. In 2005 my brother Aaron died and in April 2006 I met my boyfriend. I remember in December 2006 I started praying that if God would give me the strength to leave him I would. I know this sounds silly I was 16 I should have just broke it off. I don't think my parent knew about the abuse until the end of the relationship. However my brother committed suicide and my boyfriend always told me if I left him he would too. And his mother confirmed he was sucideal a lot. So I was afraid to leave. I didn't want he's death on my conches. In march of 2007 my friend told me about this guy I had to meet and I was a firm believer that you should never cheat. However somehow she talked me into it and this guy ended up being my husband 3 years later. He was the answer to my prayers. I thank God for him everyday.
Up until last year around this same time of the year I was a alright wife. I have two beautiful kids I plan on homeschooling and I stayed at home he didn't want me to work and I don't want to. However there were things I didn't do right. I always fought him on leading the house and I clung to my parents more than him. I wore pants even though he told me and showed in the bible I should wear skirts. I thank God he stuck with his stubborn wife and I'm sure prayed hard for me. When I was on vacation with my parents to see my grandpa it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was doing everything all wrong. So I prayed and I asked for forgiveness. I called my husband crying asking for him to forgive me and when I get home we needed to talk. I knew I was wrong. I wanted to be a better wife. He said "Dana I love you everything is okay and we can talk when you get home" it was the biggest comfort.
Once I came home I showed him all I learn while I was away and asked him to help me find out the right way to be. I told him he's the head and I will follow him anywhere.
Now a year later I have improved a lot and I love my life I didn't know just how miserable I was until I chose to do right. And now I am on a journey to go back to the old paths because that is where I feel normal. I am the person that wants to hang cloths up to dry, and I have chickens so I can have eggs, I want to homeschool my kids, I want to cook 3 meals a day, I want a farm with cows, chicken, and horses, I love the King James Bible and read it every day ( even though I never have read it through) I love wearing skirts and being modest, I AM AN OLD PATHS KINDA GIRL. However I have a lot to learn. I wasn't raised on a farm or even know a lot about a farm. I can get a four wheeler and get muddy in a heartbeat. I also want to start a journey of eating better (paleo mainly) and a good exercise  routine. With a 3 year old that is a very picky eater and a 1 years old this should be fun.
I started this blog so maybe I can help keep track of it all and maybe just maybe there is someone like me that wants to go back to the old paths and has no idea how. I pray this will help.